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I am finally off of night shift. It is nice to be able to wake up on my day off and not have to worry about waking up early to do whatever I need to do. Today, I played a bunch of Final Fantasy 6, gotten my oil changed, shopped for groceries, went to the post office, and stopped at the library...and I still have ten hours left before I go to bed.

In other news, my dog Lady was put down a couple of weeks ago. To say it was hard on me is about the worldapos;s biggest fucking understatement. I had that dog since I was 9 years old (Iapos;m 25 now). I wasnapos;t good for shit for about 4 days. I donapos;t think Iapos;ve ever cried so hard in my entire life. She wasnapos;t just a dog, she was a member of our family. Then to top it off, I go to work and tell someone about it, and he says "you can always get another one." What a jerk.

I just finished taking five weeks of guitar lessons at Buckeye. I am looking for another place to live. Iapos;ve been living with my brother for the past year, and it really sucks not having a place of my own. Lately Iapos;ve been listening to nothing but obtuse and jarring music. Wolf Eyes, Cecil Taylor, Merzbow, Mats/Mogan, blah blah blah.

So thatapos;s it for my yearly update.

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If there was ever a time when i felt overwhelmingly compelled to write, its now. After going so long with feeling numb to everything around me, im suddenly hit with an emotional wave. Its like every event in my life for the past three years is hitting me all at once.

i look back at me at seventeen and i look at me now, at twenty. The change is there. I can feel it. I just dont know where its coming from. Gone are the days where i didnt have a care in the world. Now i just feel all the repercussions of my past decisions.

life was going at such a speed that i couldnt slow down. Nor did i want to. I was so caught up in living for the moment that i didnt take time out to think about tomorrow.

even when i have something really good. Im so worried that im missing out on something better. I used to think it was me not settling, not coming in second best. Now i know it was just plain stupidity.

the beautiful part about life is that you can never go back. You cant change things. All you can do is look ahead and go forward. Which isnt always easy. Well. Never actually.


im currently in minnesota for flight attendant training. Im so happy i came here. I feel like being here has helped my relationship with God. Ive had real discussions with people my age that have opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at things. Im still learning. But im more excited than ever.

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The problem with LJ is that although private itapos;s public. And that means that a lot of the really interesting things that go on in ones life and the lives of ones friends and relations canapos;t and I mean CANapos;T be mentioned because of political expediency and because of company confidentiality and our old pal sub judice.

Sorry.

You know how it is.

I had an elating day and came back to mms to be hit with a GOBSMACKER

That I canapos;t talk about.

Ho hum.

But the mince what I fried with some mushies was delicious. I want to bear witness to that.
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